brainxplosion

Too many people claimed that my eyes looked freaky and scary and weird and spacey and unflattering and strange as my profile picture (actually, it was just two people, but one of those two kept repeating and repeating it), so I decided to change it. I was also ready for something new, and fresh, and different. Some of you might say that waitasecondthatsnotnew. I KNOW! I already used this picture. The story is long and complicated, but I searched for a better picture that would represent me and my, shall we say, special personality without giving away my identity. This turned out to be quite difficult, actually. The only pictures I could find were too big for blogger to accept them as my profile picture, and I ran out of patience. So there.

The holy roller and the uniformed boyfriend gave me some hope that they were breaking up, but alas, my last hope is destroyed by last night's, uh, antics.
Lemme 'splain.
*If you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, get caught up here.*

As I mentioned here, in my observations on my neighbors, the love birds have hit sort of a rough patch. I was hoping they'd break up ONLY because that would mean that my home would be PG-rated again (unless I or D. decide otherwise). That's the way I like me my house.

So now for the meat of this post. They fought, but he came back last Friday. They did their usual bickering, then left (for a night out on the town, I suppose). When they came back, he sounded inebriated (SAT words, people, SAT words!) and they were fighting (what a surprise!). She yelled out (and I'm not exaggerating here, she was screeching) "You're not going anywhere without me!" I looked at my husband, bemused. I quipped: "That's how you get your way - just scream, babe!" There was some sort of back-and-forth of f this and f that, after which she indignantly sniffed "Fine. So leave!" Silence ensued. Then he told her: "You're parked behind me." I delightedly disolved into giggles. D. grinned widely.
HolyRoller moved her car and Uniformed got into his truck. D. went to the dining room to see where this DRUNK MARINE was DRIVING off to. Turns out he parked across the street and turned off his headlights. By now, D. and I felt like we were watching some great spy-esque drama unfold. We were too breathlessly excited to giggle.
Some minutes passed eventlessly, so we went back to our movie/computer/sewing. Everything was silent next door. Soon, we heard drunk military man come back to her doorstep. He knocked (read: BANGED on the door with his drunken FISTS), but there was no answer. Finally, he yelled that he wasn't "the f standing in front of the door." He sounded completely pissed, but he left (and apparently he didn't kill himself in some drunk accident, because OH JOY he's been back here a couple of times).

Fast forward to last night. D. was on the computer, I was sitting in the living room with Harry Potter (I'm re-reading #4 right now, then #5, so I can be ready for #6 when I get it). I was sitting in the corner of my house that is AS FAR AWAY from her window AS POSSIBLE, when I hear her get started on the moaning. I got mad. Very mad. I remember that some of you had advised blasting music, so I grabbed the first CD I could find and headed for the study. I listened for a moment (to confirm the activity), then popped Louis Armstrong into my DVD player (best sound system in that room). I turned it WAY WAY WAY up, and what do you know, when I turned it off all of 30 seconds later, there was NOTHING NEXT DOOR.

Har, har.

I was also very punny in my music choice: I stopped them by having Louis Armstrong serenade them with his horn with "I'm in the mood for love." Yes, maybe heavy metal or Wagner would have made my point a little better, but I am just so proud of the punniness. Dorky is my middle name (inofficially).

Now I have a question. For Ms. Holy Roller herself.
WHY IN THE HECK DO YOU KEEP LETTING HIM "IN" (pun intended) WHEN HE TREATS YOU LIKE YOU'RE SOMTHING HE STEPPED INTO????? HOW STUPID ARE YOU, REALLY?

I don't like to listen to her moan. I like even less to listen to them yell at each other to f this and that. What I like least is that the relationship is so abusive. What is it with women these days?

This is it, friends.
My last semester of college has begun. I'm excited to be here and learn, and I'm excited about the prospect of being done soon. I'm also excited about catching up with all my friends from last semester. A graduate program will do this to you! There's 28 of us, and we all take the same classes together, so there's a real sense of community, even though not everybody's personalities mesh perfectly (yes, that was a nice way of saying that not all of us get along with everybody else all the time - this is, after all, reality!). The cool thing is that at all times, you have 27 co-sufferers who understand EXACTLY what is going on in your life. "Outsiders" can give you sympathy (which is very helpful), but only the "insiders" truly know...

BUT OH LORDY, this is my last semester, and then I'll have to be an adult. Maybe I could fail? Hahaha.

I've been observant lately.

...at the mall/in stores:

• An about 4-year-old boy looking at his mother pleadingly, saying "Mom, this will be delicious." From where I stood, it looked like he was holding floaties up to her. I could be wrong.
• Two middle-aged men sitting on the benches in front of the outdoor-outlet mall, drinking beer.
• Women at the outlet rifling through clothes saying "I need to go home and see what's in my closet. We should come back next week." This fills me with glee as I had looked through my clothes and MADE A LIST of what I needed to buy to match which other piece. Anal? Maybe. Worth it? Definitely.
• A woman holding up a pair of pants at "Polo Ralph Lauren", shaking her head and telling her friend "Who wears this crap?" You go, girl.
  
• A young guy (one of the growing number of people who are younger than me), burly and with a buzz cut, wearing a beanie and sunglasses walking in the stripmall where the grocery store is I frequent. He's smoking a cigarette and has a can of beer in his hand. It's 9 am.

...on the freeway:

• Changing lanes on the freeways of downtown Los Angeles (los anheles) is just like crossing the street as a pedestrian in Rome, Italy. Just do it. The cars will slow down (however reluctantly) and you will make it. If you wait for the right moment, you could end up in Sacramento, Santa Monica, Pasadena or Watts (depending on the freeway you're on).
• People like to slow down (if they're in front of you) or speed up (if they're behind you) randomly.
• That big rig will not just drive in one lane. Driving without veering into neighboring lanes is like, so not hot.

...on neighbors:

• Ms. Holy Roller and Mr. Military were yelling at each other again the other morning. It was worse than ever. Insults flew, indignation grew, my blood boiled. That same evening I heard her tell her, like, friend on the phone, you know, that she is like, so done with that guy, you know. I haven't seen him since. Let's hope.
• Einstein the freak-cat has been meowing at me through my closed window these last couple of days. I now have a spray bottle with water and a special secret ingredient handy. Mwhahahahaaaa!

...on NPR:

• I love it.

...on the new pope:

• I think the pope looks evil. It might be the eyebrows, or maybe the way he was the main float in a parade in Germany (at the world-youth-day of the Catholic church). He was driven through an insanely huge crowd of spectators in sort of a pickup truck with a plexiglass fishtank-turned-pope-tank on the back. It was reminiscent of Ariel the mermaid in the parades at Disneyland. Except he doesn't have a fish tail.
• The pope creeps me out.

...on national politics:

• Don't kill me, but I think that Cindy Sheehan woman is a nutcase.
  

Yes, I am against the war. Yes, if my son would join the military, I'd be outraged. Yes, if my son had died for a ridiculous Bush crusade, I'd be sick with grief.
But there ought to be some understanding of reality, a knowledge that the son was an adult when he decided to join the army. He knew what he was getting himself into.
At any rate, trying to talk to George W. isn't going to get her anywhere anyways. What, does she think he'll tell her anything other than what he's been telling the media? We're freeing the Iraquis from their oppressive government. That's the cause, lady.

I'm sorry this woman lost her son and now her husband (he filed for divorce). I sincerely hope she'll find a better way to express her grief. Hey, she should get a blog!



...on corporate morality:

• My husband is about to PROBABLY lose his job because the president of the company decided to sell the firm. The bigwig is making $220,000,000 (TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO MILLION DOLLARS). One fourth of the employees are sure to be out of a job come next month. Rest easy, oh thou corporate leader.
  

Your IQ Is 130

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Genius

I was extremely productive today without feeling incredibly busy, which makes me happy and unable to chose one title for this post.

A Neat Row of Little White Guys
I went to a new dentist today. It's been over two years since the last time I went, and my experience with dentists in this country have led me to mistrust every single one of those teeth-drillers. Needless to say, this morning's appointment filled me with dread, but I didn't let myself get really freaked out. Augen zu und durch, as Germans might say.
I had to have x-rays taken. I absolutely hate having x-rays taken of my teeth. The film they use has those sharp edges that cut up the roof of your mouth, and usually they have to retake at least 50% of the pictures a minimum of 3 times. And lets not talk about the x-rays that get bounced onto my head to give me cancer. THIS TIME THOUGH, the super-modern dental office I went to had a really neat highly techno-cutting edge thingy. The film was replaced with a sensor that was SMALLER and SMOOTHER and hooked up directly to a computer. IT DID NOT HURT MY MOUTH. I was so happy that I kept chatting up the Asian lady who was taking the x-rays, which was difficult considering there was stuff in my mouth.
People, my teeth looked ADORABLE in the x-rays. Believe me. They were really fascinating and sort of cute, standing in oh such a neat fashion (thanks to orthdontics) in their places in my jaw! I kinda fell in love with my x-rayed teeth. And I saw that, also thanks to orthodontics, two of the roots are leaning towards each other like they want to snuggle. So CUTE, I tell you.
Then, my Doctor is this little Asian girl. I think she's younger than I am (and I'm 25). She only graduated last year, and she grew up in Chicago and went to school in Michigan. She took a lot of time with me, she didn't pry open my jaw, she DIDN'T HURT ME AT ALL and most importantly, she FOUND NO CAVITIES. I just love her. Hahahaha, I LOVE MY DENTIST.
When the x-ray lady came back in to do the cleaning, she asked me how my teeth looked. And that's when it happened. I said something really dumb. I was so excited (and I actually think they might have put something in the air to relax people) that after rambling on about no cavities, I said "My teeth are just a bunch of neat, clean, healthy little white guys."

Home of the Upsale
After my visit to the dentist, I made my way to EZ Lube, Home of the Upsale. My car needed an oil change. Sure enough, when I was sitting in the waiting room, an EZ Lube guy came in, summoned me to my car and showed me my Disgustingly And Shockingly Dirty Airfilter That Must Be Replaced Unless You Want Your Car To Die, Ma'am. Then there was a whole slew of radiator fluid transmission steering thingy which I listened to politely. He said he'd be able to give me a special deal on that: Instead of the customary $310 or so, he'd give it to me for $280. Barely containing my excitement I told him no thanks, even for the airfilter. You see, I'd known this was coming and I had steeled myself against it. In the morning I told D. that "No Way am I getting anything other than my oil changed." I was so proud to have said NO WAY JOSE (except I didn't say that because, let's face it, his name probably was Jose). I was also disturbed as I left, and this is why:

Like a Virgin
The man who cheked me in (and out, if I might add) at EZ Lube was very tall, very thin, and quite tatooed. He also wore earrings (manly earrings) and a baseball hat. He was probably younger than I was as well (BTW the world seems full of people younger than myself lately - I must be ageing!). On his right arm, from wrist to sleeve were tatoos that looked like he'd just been getting them removed. The skin was bright pink and sunburned, like a freshly healed wound. As he finished writing down my address (oh horrors. I gave him my address!), he looked at me and said "You know who you remind me of?" I thought "Oh great. Is it going to be Uma Thurman again? Or will it be 'that blond lady from charlie's angels' yet again?" I was uncomfortable and a little afraid, actually. Steeling myself for the awkwardness of a squirm-inducing misjudgement of my facial features, I glanced up at him. "Madonna," he said proudly. Pictures shot through my mind of pointy metal bras and a naked woman walking along the street. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I gave him a disapproving look (instinctively, I really didn't mean to), and managed to say "oh?." To make matters worse, he added "I was gonna ask you to sing a song."

Things Sonja and Madonna have in common: Both are female. Both have blond hair.

"In matters of grave importance style, not sincerity, is the vital thing."


"You must know that what you propose is quite out of the question!" - "Then all any of us can look forward to is passionate celibacy."

"The general was essentially a man of peace. Except in his private life."

"You're always talking nonsense!" - "Better than to listen to it."

Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible

Fun, funky, and a little bit euro. You love your summers to be full of style and sun!

Darn Hello!
I wanted this picture
IN my post, not like
a renegade fashion
statement all by itself.
The actual post is
below this one.

There are a couple of things I should have written about over the last couple of days. Instead, I moped around, ate a lot, cleaned a little, did laundry, took walks along the beach and got scared by barking dogs in back yards, and passed my time with silly non-posts (such as advertising for the company that is going to make me rich one day (mwhahahaha) and my Hogwarts house). This phase is not over yet, but I will at least attempt to give you an update on my life. So here it goes.

1. I had my hair cut on Thursday. It looks a little something like this:
I now shower faster, dry faster and DO NOT blowdry. EVER. Yippie!!! In turn, I get to use all kinds of sticky products (hairproducts, not glue) on my hair and wax and gel and paste to my heart's content. Also, I feel like I look like who I am on the inside more.

Before I go even deeper on this, let's move on to...

2. I have been sewing like a madwoman. I bought a sewing machine a couple of weeks ago with some money I'd saved up working hard (or harly working?) and from some other money that my parents forced me to accept as a gift (Danke!). The problem with that little machine was that I wouldn't work. Sure enough, I could sew a straight seam, but not one of the fancy zigzzags or buttonholes worked. Not only was that sad, it was also frustrating. So I took my little stitcher into the store and they fixed her! Quickly! At no charge whatsoever! And then I took her home and it's been bliss ever since. I am currently working on the following:
a) a wall-hanging quilt with applique hearts that I started working on with my mom while we were in Italy
b) revamping an old pair of jeans
c) two tablecloths
I have, as of yesterday, finished a "trip-around-the-world" quilt. It's small but I made it from start to finish! In a week!

3. I almost started screaming in the hardware store this weekend. We were there for almost two hours and STILL did not manage to hook up our fridge to the water line so that it would make ice cubes. Nobody there - NOBODY, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON - understood what we wanted. NOBODY.
It's so sad. Sad, sad, sad.

4. I walked over to the craft store while D. heroically held out at LOWE'S. There, I almost fainted when I walked in the door to a blur of orange and brown: HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS!!! It's AUGUST, people! August. Halloween is in OCTOBER.
Worse: In some of the aisles, the Christmas things were being unpacked.

Let me tell you something. I am not ready for the summer to be over. There is no way I feel prepared for fall. And I am simply not going to accept that it's time to get ready for Christmas. Are you kidding me? I will have my DEGREE by Christmas. That means that I will have to be an actual ADULT come January 1st. With a job.
It's August, dang it. Not Christmas time. You hear?!

5. I exercised on Wednesday, Friday, Sunday, and today. Do you see the regularity? Isn't that something?!!

6. I passed the RICA. This is really good: First, I passed it and I needed to pass it for my credential. Second, I don't have to take it in the middle of the semester (like so many other individuals in my program). Third, it's another thing that's off my to-do-list. Yippie!

7. I'm running out of things, but I'm pretty sure there's more. Check back.
Also, I have not forgotten about the vacation story about the insane bird. Soon. Soon, I promise.

I'm
a Gryffindor!

Friends,
this is the post in which I shamelessly abuse my internet presence to promote my fine brother-in-law's company, LeatherTechs. If you need leather cleaner or conditioner, buy it from him.

Brad Pitt is such a scumbag. And don't get me started on crazy Miss Pillowlips.

Check out this article. I'm quite shocked about these horrid deeds. Really.

I stole this from Undies:

Things I have done in my lifetime, as of today:
() Smoked a joint
() Been in a wet t-shirt contest
(x) Crashed a car
() Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
() Had a threesome
(x) Been dumped
(x) Shoplifted (an eraser)
() Been fired
(x) Been in a fist fight (the neighborhood bully annoyed me, so I stood on his feet and pushed him.. does that qualify?)
() Snuck out of the house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
() Been arrested
() Made out with a stranger
() Gone on a blind date
(x) Lied to a friend
(x) Been to Europe (well... okay)
(x) Skipped school (often)
() Seen someone die
() Been to Canada
() Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
() Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
() Thrown up in a bar
() Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi (not a fan)
(x) Been skiing
(x) Met someone from the internet in person
() Been moshing at a concert (I don't know what moshing is. I probably haven't done it though.)
() Been in an abusive relationship
(x) Taken painkillers (I took one Vicodine and broke out in hives all over my body.)
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now
(x) Lay and watch cloud shapes go by
(x) Made a snow angel
() Had a tea party
(x) Flown a kite
(x) Built a sand castle
(x) Gone puddle jumping
(x) Played dress up (and still do)
(x) Jumped into a pile of leaves (A word to the wise: do that when the one who raked the leaves isn't looking!)
(x) Gone sledding
(x) Cheated while playing a game
(x) Been lonely
() Fallen asleep at work/school
() Used a fake ID
(x) Watched the sunset
(x) Felt an earthquake (of course, I live in California)
(x) Touched a snake (I assume that's the reptile variety)
() Slept beneath the stars
(x) Been tickled
() Been robbed
(x) Been misunderstood
(x) Pet a reindeer/goat (goats)
() Won a contest/race
(x) Run a red light (not on purpose!!!)
() Been suspended from school
(x) Been in a car accident (Car totaled on icy road on our way to the ski resort. We skied* anyways.)
(x) Had braces
(x) Felt like an outcast (try living in a foreign country)
() Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Had deja vu
() Danced in the moonlight
(x) Hated the way you look
(x) Witnessed a crime
() Pole danced
() Been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) Walked barefoot through the mud
(x) Been lost
(x) Been to the opposite side of the world (I guess)
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
() Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers (I'm getting a teaching credential for elementary school. Crayons are my friends!)
(x) Sung karaoke (I was forced to, and it wasn't pretty.)
() Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
() Made prank phone calls when you were younger
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
() Danced naked in the rain
() Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
() Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Had a bonfire on the beach
() Crashed a party
(x) Gone rollerblading
(x) Had a wish come true
(x) Worn pearls (a gift from my aunt/godmother)
() Jumped off a bridge
() Screamed the word penis in public (Ok. Why would you do that?)
() Ate dog/cat food
() Told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) Kissed a mirror
(x) Sang in the shower
(x) Owned a little black dress (one? multiple!)
() Had a dream that you married someone else
(x) Glued your hand to something (good times)
() Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
() Kissed a fish
() Worn the opposite sex's clothes
() Been a cheerleader
() Sat on a roof top
(x) Screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) Done a one-handed cartwheel
() Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) Stayed up all night
() Didn't take a shower for a week
(x) Picked and ate an apple right off the tree (in my grandparents yard)
(x) Climbed a tree
() Had a tree house
() Are NOT scared to watch scary movies
() Believe in ghosts
(x) Have more than 30 pairs of shoes (counting hiking boots and snow boots and flip flops...)
() Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
() Gone streaking
() Played chicken
() Been skinny dipping
() Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) Been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger (It's a question of interpretation. This guy once told me I looked like Uma Thurman. He must have missed that I'm 5'3... but she's beautiful.)
(x) Broken a bone (my left pinky toe)
(x) Been easily amused
() Caught a fish then ate it
() Caught a butterfly
(x) Laughed so hard you cried (often)
() Cried so hard you laughed
(x) Mooned/flashed someone
(x) Had someone moon/flash you
(x) Cheated on a test (I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.)
(x) Forgotten someone's name (all the time)
(x) Slept naked
(x) French braided someone's hair
() Grown a beard

Fun Stuff.

*Is that how you spell the past of ski?

When we returned home from our vacation, there was a certain stillness to the house. It seemed, somehow, empty. Something was missing, but that was a good thing. There was peace, but we couldn't put a finger on what had happened.
On Saturday, we figured it out. We came home, tired and exhausted from a morning of passing out fliers and an afternoon spent at a family birthday party, to a trail running from the sink, over the counter, along the phone table, along the dining room floor and behind the bookshelf - ANTS!
Over the last two days, I have sprayed my special non-poisonous antspray about seven times. I cleaned up ant carcasses, and I mopped the floor three times on my hands and feet since the swiffer doesn't agree with the ant spray (they foam when they're together). I also moved the bookshelf (and everything that was in it) and vacuumed the entire house.
This morning, the little suckers were back and all over the bookshelf again. So I sprayed.

The idea that the super-poisonous spray from the hardware store is really bad for the environment and will also probably burn my eyes, nose, and throat becomes less and less of an issue as time wears on. Until I'm ready, I'll be cleaning the kitchen, I guess.